Real Talk About Relationship Expectations

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What Happens When Expectations Are Not Met
Real Talk About Relationship Expectations
How To Meet Relationship Expectations
 
 
 
When Expectations Are Not Met
 
What I wanted to speak about tonight is when expectations are not met, what happens? So one of the many things I speak about with my clients and one of the things that I’ve discovered is that a lot of people have plans for their businesses. I have a plan for health and fitness. I have a plan for wellness. People pretty much have a plan for everything in their lives, except for their relationships. And one of the biggest challenges that I see in many relationships — I’m not talking just about intimate and personal relationships, but relationships in general, whether it’s a work-relationship, whether it’s a relationship with your children, etc. — is that we had different expectations and they would fight about different things because you know, she had an expectation that I’d behave in a certain way or do certain things or certain things were not met in our relationship and vice versa. I had an expectation that should behave in a certain way. But because we never actually sat down and spoke about what our expectations are from each other as well as what our expectations are for our relationship, we found that we were going down with far away. Every now and then we get into a fight and some of them are stupid. I thought, “I know what we’ve got to make this better and it’s up to us to make it better if we’re not gonna talk about the challenges that we’re facing, our relationship and how we can move forward when we’re never gonna get anywhere.” So we actually sat down and started talking about our expectations. What do I expect from my wife? What does she expect from me? It’s a two-way street.

One of the things with Gina when she started moving up the corporate ladder and becoming a higher position, becoming a team later, she started becoming a strong leader in her work. And then she comes home and sometimes she would actually bring that energy into the house and she would speak to me as if I was one of her employees. And I was like, this isn’t going to cut it. So we had a conversation about that and I said, “Look, we’re in a relationship. We’re equalled here. I don’t appreciate being spoken down to.” And there were also other things that I did in the past or I would behave in a certain way. And she brought those up. So the expectations started to come up for us in a constructive manner. We speak about this when things aren’t heated, that’s another really important thing. This is so we’re not angry at each other or anything like that. So if we’ve had a fight, we speak about the expectation afterwards, after we’ve calmed down and we’ve made up, when we started setting our expectations now.
 
Then we can bring up the challenges that we need to tackle and then we can bring up whatever problems happening at work, whatever challenges happening with the kids, etc. When we fit the expectations for our relationships, we’re able to move forward.

One of our expectations every day, we spend 15 minutes to half an hour, regardless of how busy we are, regardless of how tired we are, talking to each other about our day and genuinely being interested in each other’s day — whether it’s a good day, whether it’s a challenging day, no matter what happens. But that 15 minutes allows us to destress, allows us to communicate what’s going on in our lives and allows us to connect on a deeper level. And then we also have other expectations of how much time we’re going to spend with each other.
 
I know it sounds like there are so many rules, but it’s actually not. It’s just once you start doing this regularly, it starts becoming part of your life. And as we all know in life, you’ve got to do something for 30 days before it becomes a habit. So once we did it for the first month, two months, now it’s part of our life. We never think about it. We do it every day.

Set expectations for our relationships. Whether it’s a loved one, whether it’s a child of yours, whether it’s someone that, whoever it is that you know what you want to improve your relationship with them. Set an expectation. For example, if I want to connect with someone, whether it’s a work-relationship or personal relationship, then my expectation is I’ve got to contact them once a fortnight, once a month or whatever it is. If you are in a relationship with someone, speak to them about their expectations out of you and also that your expectations out of them. And that will become a joint relationship expectation. This one little trick will take your every relationship you have, whether it’s business, family, children, or intimate relationship, to the next level.

Remember, your only limitation is the one that you set up in your mind pace and have a great night.

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